good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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