That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
