so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish my penis had a tongue
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize