Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
