Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
