Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
