So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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