Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
