It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
