How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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