I hate your face
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
