After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
