It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
