wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
