shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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