before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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