You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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