I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Houston, we have a squirter
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
