Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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