Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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