I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
