Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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