Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
