Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
