I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
