Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
