yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize