I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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