Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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