Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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