and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
