Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
