I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
