Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
