I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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