I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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