A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
