If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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