she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
