if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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