I have demons in me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
