We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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