Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
