I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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