she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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