just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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