It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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