he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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