I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
