You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
