I am in a vortex of obligation.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
