I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
