You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
