I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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