He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
