after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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