dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
