Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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