In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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