I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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