I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
