why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
