We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
