I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
wow bdsm is so cute
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
