You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
