me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
