its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
