let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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