I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you had me at cake vodka
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
